I think I forgot to mention this

I don't know if I ever said something about this, but for pretty much the entire year I have been fighting with this really weird skin rash on my arms, hands, shoulders and a couple of spots on my legs (around my knees). This damn stuff got so bad that I went to a Doc and thought it was some regular contact dermatitis. Well the steroid he gave me helped for a couple of days until the fucking rash came back with a vengeance. Ok, I decided to finish out a tube of the prescription and see how it went. That was on my birthday. A couple of weeks later I went to the damn ER because this stuff was so painful and raw that the slightest breeze made it worse. That Doc sent me to a Dermatologist, who then told me that it is a fungus..... Tinea. Which is in the same family as athlete's foot and ringworm.  Anyway, did everything he told me to do and took every prescription he gave me, and the stuff went away for the summer. YAY!

Then, during my last contract (the liar one) the god damn rash comes back so I go and sterilize every inch of my apartment. Didn't help, ended up back at the Derm, who gave me another ointment/steroid with the plan of making the "tinea explode". Oh I should mention that he brought a couple of little med students in to see it and to show that ring worm is not always small little circles. Great, now I'm a learning aide. They also do a biopsy to see if the damn fungus is in my pores.

I do a follow up appointment two weeks later to see the results. Well, the rash is still the same, no reaction to the new lotion. I think it made me itchier.

Get the Biopsy results and I have Erythema annulare centrifugum. Something that occurs in 1 in 100,000 people. My derm has now only seen it twice in his 30 yr practice. He took pictures, and he has to do some homework. Great, I'm still a learning aide. Watch me turn up in some text book.

Fuck.

Writing

I've been thinking about writing a of sort of memoir about my life. I have no idea how, when or where to start it. I sometimes sit here while watching something and I get an idea for it.... then I just can't put it through that damn little blinking cursor. Do I plan on submitting it to any publisher? I doubt it. Will anyone else ever read it? Probably not.

Anyway, other than my year of hilarious job issues (being fired, removed or early end to contract and the fact that my god damn insurance fired me as well). Things haven't been all that bad, money is tight though.

I did have a phone interview with Outland Camp on Friday, and I actually do feel that this one went well. I know, I say that every time, but this one I decided to "cheat" at, I had googled some interview tips and how to answer some of those obnoxious questions like "tell me about yourself" and alike. It would be a 20 day out and 10 day in, and not paying as much as I would like and I might end up working through xmas and new years. But, if it's a pay cheque I'll take it. I think they interviewed me for three different roles, General Helper, Housekeeping and admin, all of which I can do no problem. Hell, I'll rotate between all three if they wanted. I'd actually prefer that honestly. So we shall see.

Oh yeah, for some odd reason, I've gotten into listening to the Backstreet Boys. They have this amazing song called "Show'em what you're made of"

Amazing song, really hits home for me for the bullshit I've had to deal with as of late. So have a listen:

Unemployed yet again and again

This is just not funny anymore. I had a posting with ******* a few weeks ago, all was going great. I was fitting in, everyone was really nice. This place started a few days before Thanksgiving and lasting until the end of November.

Then, the day after Thanksgiving at the end of the work day.  I mean literally at the end of the day, I get a call from my staffing manager saying that the client had asked to no longer be invoiced for me (aka removal). This was at about 4:20pm, I was actually going through closing the building for 4:30. It happened so fast that not even my staffing manager knew what was going on or what happened.

The next day, I call him hoping he had found out why it all happened.

There were two reasons given:

Attendance issues (aka late)

and falling asleep at my desk.

Yeah, no word of a lie.

Ok, now let's address this "attendance issue"; I live a 5 minute drive from the location. My start time was 8:30am, I live my apartment at 8:05. I catch the bus at 8:10ish and I got to the location at 8:20 at the latest. I am not kidding, I actually timed this during the morning rush hour.

Sleeping at my desk. Can someone explain how one could fall asleep at the most visible and busy desk in the office. Every single person that comes in and out of that building would have to go past me twice. I have to sign for packages and answer the phones. I would have multiple people swinging around me all day.

They flat out lied.

I understand getting rid of me for a lack of work or funds, cool I get that. But lying? You cost me my ability to pay rent because you lied!

Just fuck you.

My Audience!

I just checked my stats and I have a very diverse audience. So I would like to thank everyone from Canada, United States, France, The UK, Germany, Brazil, India, Australia, Pakistan and Romania among others.

Not sure if you all are bipolar or know someone who is. But, just letting you know that if you have either, I know how it feels. Those without just cannot get it even though they try like hell, they just cannot understand what it is like in our heads.

Hope I might be helping at least a tiny bit.

-A

Sorry for the disappearance act

I am indeed back, sorry for falling off the Earth. No, everything has been pretty ok, no major serious scary catastrophes. I did have a scare that the entire group of verbal and mentally abusive part of my family was going to be coming the end of this month. That is not going to happen, I think.

Work wise, I had one placement in July where the chick that brought me in gave me three hours of training. She then went on some days off and left me to do the job. She comes back about a week later and ends my contract because I couldn't get the formatting on something correct.

1. The thing I had to type from was handwritten and nearly impossible to read and he was using all the old school punctuation signs. So I went by that.

2. Even I aren't amazing enough for anything on three hours of training.

Da Vinci had to learn how to paint before he made masterpieces. Hey but whatever, her sandbox. Plus that GoA department was a gong show.

A few days later I get a placement at what is hands down my favorite office I have ever been placed in. Sadly the contract was ended early because of shuffling and whatever other reasons. But I have been assured that it has ZERO to do with me. They would've loved to keep me full time if they could. A job posting for this very job came up about a week or so later. I put in for it.

Anyway, I've been in the process to get a bunch of safety tickets to do a major career change away from admin to the trades. I basically have a job as an industrial insulator when I get one more Ticket. This job is cherry, I mean pay is $36/hr plus, accommodations and flights provided. You name the benefit I will have it. I'm pretty pumped for it.

Earlier today, I get an email requesting that I set an interview time to come in and interview for the very admin job I was doing at my favorite office. So it's Monday at 1pm. I look further into the email, and it turns out that it will be done by a three person panel, and two of those three are the exact people that I worked for when I was there.

If this were a perfect world and I was offered both jobs, which one should I pick? I know I will enjoy both. Both would pay really great. Both would be stable. But the office one keeps me in town and the insulator sends me up to a Fort Mac camp. I'm fine with both locations so.... I'm sort of torn.

A friend did come up with a great idea, if both are offered, take the office one and do that while saving money and get a good handle on myself, you know what I mean, and then move to an apprenticeship later on.

Which I honestly think is the best decision really. Hell, I'm only 27, still young to change it up later.

Other than that, I've been decently okish. Maybe a little manic here or there, nothing major. More on the depressive end I guess. Though last night I didn't get much sleep, I was having horrible intense and disturbing nightmares. Sort of threw me off for the whole day. I did go for a walk to the little store and back. I kind of miss working at the one back east I worked for. At times it was really frigging funny. But it also got robbed by a guy with a sword. I wasn't there. I'll post about the sword guy tomorrow. It's late and I'm tired.

G'night

Hey I'm back!

I forgot about my little blog for a bit. Sorry.

But after the last posting about my insurance being assholes, it has been rectified. I basically gave up fighting with them. It was getting just so pointless.

It was finally explained to me that; I wasn't being cancelled because I lied on the application (duh), but because during the process I didn't tell them, and I quote "That I thought that I think I had bipolar". No word of  a lie. Clearly self-diagnosis is very key with paper pushers.

But yeah, it just got pointless and caused more stress than what I need so I gave up.

I am still in the process of finding a job. Yeah the fact that I'm in Alberta and can't find a job is kind of a bitch. I applied for EI the other day. Wooo, I'm the cliche! Maritimer comes out west to work and ends up on EI. I could have stayed in New Brunswick and do the same thing I'm doing now, minus the plane ride.

So I have started to look for jobs up in Fort Mac and all that. More cliche I know.

Alberta Blue Cross is going to have a Bad Day.

So for those who know about the situation regarding my health insurance being cancelled because of my apparently withholding, aka lying, of information regarding my diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder with Manic Episodes.

And how they have put me through utter hell. Jerked me around. Have me now paying premiums for two plans that the same company administers.

I went to my doctor yesterday, turns out Alberta Blue Cross cancelled me using the wrong information.

From the wrong doctor. Who is neither my family doctor nor is he my attending doctor.

Who they sent the letter to in November 2013.

My shrink had no idea of the letter or the situation until I mentioned it to her yesterday during my appointment.

Well done Blue Cross, well done. Complete incompetence. Violation of my privacy. Causing unneeded stress, grief and throwing me off balance. Costing me money that I do not need to pay.

Someone is going to have a VERY BAD DAY.

This is just not funny anymore

So I posted a few weeks back about all this bullshit with bluecross cutting off my medication coverage because I withheld information regarding my bipolar disorder. In other words they are accusing me of lying, and I take that as an attack on my character.

I tried to fight it for weeks and weeks, and I finally just gave in and reapplied only to get my rates hiked two fold for two nearly identical plans with the only difference being that one covers my medication.

Well, Friday while at work (Yay, back to work!!) I am trying to kill the last few minutes of the day but doing some insurance shopping. I find out that there is a four month waiting period for this bullshit Alberta Health Care Insurance Program. Which, since I need medication to function and help me keep the beast in a box this posed a giant issue.

Today the woman I have dealt with at Blue Cross, who evidently does not understand that time is linear and that April comes BEFORE June in the course of the year. She emailed me back and said that because I am coming off of another plan, the government is waiving that waiting period.

How nice, the government who ultimately removed me from my insurance is graciously waiving the waiting period. How nice, but still will not answer the question of if I will have to pay $100 up front when I pick up my medication. Which as I mentioned, my medications cost $117 so basic math tells us that the increased monthly rates of $125/month for the insurance clones + this possible $100 copay. Raises the cost of my medication to $225/month.

If we continue doing the math and subtract $117 from $225 that is $108 that is highly questionable if I should be paying or not.

I am openly taking suggestions for Health Insurance providers in Canada who have to answer to someone. Other than the bipolar disorder I am completely healthy. Though that hangnail I might have next week might disqualify me from anything. I wonder if the fact that I have fractured the medial malleous of my right ankle three times will get me removed from something else.

Wow, my home province is more backward than most third world countries and my current province likes to bilk money and screw over it's residents. Good to know.

I filed a complaint with the Health Ombudsman, I'm done being nice and polite. I keep getting kicked around here because I'm polite and respectful of other people, which is how I was raised. Ya know, with morals. Come on Alberta, you want to play with fire? Well peaches you are going to get incinerated. Messing with powers beyond your kin. Let's have a go, come on, you've fired the first shot.

My turn.

No Longer Civil

This is in relation to my blue cross woes. I am exhausted and stressed out by this that on my hands I have developed an intensely painful rash that bewilders every GP I have seen. I have an appointment with a dermatologist in the morning.

This rash is my hell. I can deal with all sorts of pain; stabbing, shooting, burning, throbbing, aching and etc. I have fractured my right ankle three times and still walked home But itching? Nope, I cannot handle it.

I have also wrote up my story regarding the Blue Cross drama and I am in the process of sending it to every mental health and/or bipolar advocacy group I can find. I am just done playing nice.

You know, it is shit like this with insurance companies that cause people with mental health issues and the elderly to commit suicide. We all know it. Make an already vulnerable group feel like there is no point in it and bad things happen.

So, Alberta Blue Cross, you have messed with powers beyond your kin now pay the consequences.

What Women Deserve

I do not remember if I posted this before, but it needs to be watched again and again and again until it sinks into peoples thick skulls.

It's 2014 people and we are still fighting for this? Come on.

Insurance Bullshit

So I think I posted a couple of weeks ago about how I got a letter in the mail from Alberta Blue Cross saying that because I withheld information regarding my bipolar disorder with manic episodes at the time of applying my plan was being cancelled. Having my shrink, who as a doctor was supposed to have my back as her patient, actually tell them that I knew even though I had not met her until June 5. A full five weeks after I applied. I'm trying to give her the benefit of the doubt, maybe read a date wrong or interrupted something wrong. I fought for frigging weeks. Not allowed to appeal an accusation apparently.

I gave up and just reapplied for the damn coverage. It was getting to be more stress and bullshit than it was really worth. Since no one would listen to logic nor would my god damn shrink call me back at any point.

So anyway, I sent my application into Blue Crap and chickie also applied for Alberta Health Insurance something or another. Just putting it out there, I technically did not consent to be applied on my behalf.

Want to know the difference between the two plans? One pays for my medication and the other does not. They are identical in every single way. The alberta health one might have more coverage on a couple of things.

There is the usual co-pay for for meds and no one will explain this to me. For the alberta, it says I will never have a copay more than $25 for my meds. But doesn't specify if that is for each individual med or in total. If I were to get them with a max copay of 25 that would equal out to $100 a month. My meds cost a total of $117. So does this mean I would have to pay the $63/month for Alberta + $100 for my meds? So....... $167/month? I could just pay for my meds out of my pocket and save $50/month.

I tried to call and email Alberta Health aka the Gong Show about the copay and they told me that I had to call Blue Cross or Alberta Health for that info.

I am pretty sure I am paying $62 and $63/month to the same people? Like, I am completely confused and no one will give me answers.

I just got the package from BC "welcoming me" to their program, Oh just fuck off peaches, just fuck right the hell off.

They accuse me of withholding information, akin to lying, and boot me off my insurance without an option of appeal? Now, I could be wrong, but I do live in a first world country right? I didn't pack up and move in the middle of the night?

If this makes sense to you, can you explain it to me?

I honestly do not understand any of this. Honestly, I am healthier than 95% of Albertans. I do not smoke, drink, take drugs, eat red meat or have multiple sex partners. I try to eat right, exercise and get proper sleep. Taking medication like clock work for the last ten months, except 1 day I missed a dose by mistake and keeping an eye on my weight. I'm 5 foot 6 and 150 lbs. BMI, heart, blood pressure, blood glucose and thyroid are exactly where they should be.

But, because I have Bipolar Disorder with Manic Episodes, I cannot be on a medically underwritten insurance plan? If I could get said MIA shrink to attest that other than that I am perfectly fine.

 

Fuck this noise.

New Brunswick, Abortions, Womens Voices and so much more. Part 1

I actually hope that I get hate mail for this. I really do, I am just done with all this propaganda floating around out there. So, I'm just going to let it fly.

Around the middle of last week a news story came down my facebook feed from multiple friends of mine. And it turns out that the Morgentaler clinic in fredericton was going to be making an important announcement later that day. Well it turns out that the announcement was it was to close later this year by a complete lack of funding. Turns out that during the clinics operation in New Brunswick it had been constantly running with a deficit that was always covered by Morgentaler. Well since Morgentaler died last year, this means no more funding.

Oh but according to health Canada the procedure must be funded by the province. Well, guess what, New Brunswick has been breaking the law about this for the last 20 years. Oh but they do fund it if done in a hospital. Here's the thing about that, according to the province you need to have TWO DOCTORS sign off on a non-medically required abortion. Now, I don't know about where you are. But in New Brunswick it is nearly impossible to get a family doctor let alone get two doctors to agree on the same thing. Better off trying to herd cats. Hell, there are even some doctors in New Brunswick that refuse to prescribe birth control because it goes against their beliefs. I wish I was kidding, but I'm not.

"Oh but you don't live in New Brunswick so why do you care?"
I was raised there, in Fredericton in fact. I know exactly how backward it is. Hell, I'm starting to see that the province might actually be more backward than some third world countries. Now in terms of demographics, roughly 30% of the province is French speaking. But, in order to get a job with the province you MUST be bilingual and have the paper to prove it. But, in order for an anglo to be deemed bilingual is much harder than a french person. I have actually dealt with someone behind a desk that spoke only broken english and was completely unable to understand how to help me.

New Brunswick has a huge problem with unemployment which is so bad that a majority of its young educated people are leaving the province to get work. "The Brain Drain" as it is referred to is a massive problem. Before my mom moved out here (7 months after I did), out of curiosity went to a job fair about jobs out west (Alberta, Sask, BC), the line to get in was so long that it encompassed the hotel where it was held, this was not a small hotel either. It was the Delta in downtown Fredericton, which might actually be the biggest hotel in Fredericton. To put this in a better perspective, if needed, there are peoples with masters degrees working fast food and retail jobs. My mother worked at UPS for 17 years for the same $17.35/hr for I think the last five years she was there. M mother has a Bachelor of Arts and all kinds of experience working for different NGOs such as the UN, UNESCO and etc. And she was at the same job, and I mean the SAME job as UPS kept screwing her over for promotion after promotion. Constantly promoting less qualified and less educated people ahead of her. Yeah, it's that bad.

For me it has gotten to the point where I am nearly ashamed of how backwards my home province truly is. In 2004 or 2005 when same-sex unions became valid in New Brunswick, the province brought that law into practice on the day it was required to be. Nearly every other province brought it into effect months or a year ahead of the required date.

Ok, I have gotten off topic and I will have to continue this later on tonight. 

Dear Blue Cross

So I got this letter in the mail on Friday from Blue Cross which I get my insurance through.

Telling me that because I "withheld pertinent medical information" regarding my bipolar with manic episodes dur the application process. They are cancelling my coverage 30 days from the date on the letter. Because they did this "routine audit" on my policy.

I applied on April 30 2013, after I had seen a doctor who gave me ativan because he thought I was having some stress based anxiety.

Couple days later, I get my insurance and it is effective May 1 2013. Cool.

May 4 2013, I see that doctor again this time he gives me the seroquel and a referral to the shrink.

June 5th, nearly 6 weeks after I applied. I see my shrink and I get the diagnosis of Bipolar.

And apparently my shrink TOLD blue cross that I had the diagnosis in April. She fucking told them that. So on Monday I need to call my shrink and tell her of this in order to rectify this situation.

I would get a new shrink but I do not want to have to go through the entire evaluation crap. Possible med changes and blah blah blah, I just do not want to deal with this type of stuff.

My coverage expires April 19 2014th. But since I need insurance I have to reapply to them. And likely get rejected for the plan that I have had for the last year.

Fine, they want medical history? When they do the medical questionnaire via phone, that person will get my ENTIRE MEDICAL HISTORY from the day I was born until the day they do this set of questions. I'm 27, I will go stitch by bruise by bruise, stitch, cut by cut, sprain by sprain and so on. And I'm a klutz, hope their chair is comfy.

Fred Phelps is Dead.

I'm not one to rejoice about some dying, but I am overjoyed that this bigoted homophobic son of a bitch is dead. Take that as you will. But I have been in a loving stable relationship with a gorgeous woman for nearly six years. I've had family members and friends serve and die in the Military.

Teaching and in some cases beating, you followers into submission of following you? OH yeah, you were a "real man". Having small children at your protests holding horrible signs like "Thank god for dead Soldiers" or "God hates fags". I wish I had met you in person so I could have torn you a new one. Excommunicate members of your own family because they know what you were doing is and was wrong.

I hate spewing this much venom at anything, but this seems to warrant it. If there is any backlash from Karma because of it, I'll gladly take it.

Then your granddaughter posts on Twitter that "We're all human, friends."

I'm sorry, but no. Her grandfather preached fire and brimstone for people over whom they love.

Oh? And you won't be having a funeral? Gee, I wonder why. Coward. You protested others, let others protest you. I cannot wait for someone to either leak or discover where he's buried, and just  let a rip with doing everything he hated where he's going to lay for all times.

I actually started to wonder if Phelps was gay himself, or if he ever had a gay child.

Wonder if he'll have a tombstone.... I could use a new coffee table. Rot in Pieces, bigot.

So I fell down some stairs.

SO Thursday, I was in the building across the parking lot picking something up from the rental office.

I'm walking down the stairs, on the second flight, third step from the bottom; either my ankle rolled or my shoe caught the lip of the stair. I went down hard, and I mean hard. I threw what I was carrying down and hit the ground on my hands and knees. I slid, I think, down a couple of stairs on my right shin. I also did this in front of 5 people, which makes it that much worse. Skittered across the parking lot on adrenaline alone, made it to the sofa where I had to work up the nerve to look at my right shin. It hurt that much.

To put my pain tolerance in perspective, I have kickboxed basically forever. Sparred guys twice my size, sprained, fractured and broke multiple things. Torn and pull others. My shin hurt worse, it also felt like it was fractured. It felt the same as the last time I fractured my ankle. Maybe a little worse. I had scraped it up and bruising was really dark and getting darker. Walking was rough, painful and wobbly.

Went to the ER, the triage nurse poked it. I nearly punched her. She sticks me in a wheelchair and I roll myself over to registration, where I jump the cue, then over to the waiting room. 30 seconds later, the registration lady comes over and takes me into an exam room. I had been there all of 20 or so minutes by this point. About five minutes later another nurse comes in, very nice lady, and she takes a look at it. I should mention that I had not shaved my legs in about two weeks. Anyway, she at least did not poke my shin and she assesses me and says the doctor will be in shortly. About 10 minutes later, he pops in, looks at it and sends me for an xray. (I should point out that I hate hospitals and I was anxious and probably coming close to manic). I roll myself over to the X-ray place and chat with this really nice lady about some random stuff, can't remember now, for about 20 or so minutes. She goes in...... ten minutes later I go in. Ok, the positions they get my leg into freaking hurt put pressure on a ton of sore spots.

Go back to the exam room where this little kid is with his mom. He hurt his knee about ten days ago playing hockey and it has not improved at all. Considering how young this kid is, he should've bounced back at least a little bit by now. Poor kid, nice kid and his mom was cool. Keep in mind that I had some pressured speech going on so I literally could not shut up, but I managed to keep them amused so it's all good.

Doctor came back and I had not fractured or cracked anything, I just have some really really deep horrible bruising and likely tore that little muscle over the shin bone. Got handed over to another nurse who was going to dress the scrapes, I insist she is a little bit of a sadist, "does this hurt?" *poke* "does this hurt?" *poke* and a couple more times. Funny.

Got picked up and went home. Take the elevator up to our floor, I'm avoiding stairs now for obvious reasons, go to the couch and this wave of soreness just wallops me. It got worse on Friday, every major muscle group hurts, the bruise on my left knee is about the size of a golfball and a mix of black, blue, green and pink. My right shin, it to the brunt of the landing, is bruised from below my knee to just above my ankle. Moving around was hard, I was so pathetic that when R came home and saw me shuffling around, she told me to just sit down and stay on the sofa.

Brings us today, I woke up even more sore and it took a lot of effort to get out of bed. Mom came over with some breakfast from Tim Hortons and advil. Up until then, I was taking advil cold and sinus to help but it wasn't really handling it all that great, wonder why. Went to the mall and wandered around, I actually feel better right now, sore but it's easier to move.

I tried out that massage chair thing in front of GNC (supplement store) and it felt amazing. Wish I had one at home, but I doubt I would use it enough to justify it.

Anyway, enough of my rambling. 

New Version of Wrecking Ball

Anyone else see this?

I mean, it was the one of the most disturbing videos I have seen in a long time.

Really... Really? Who does that?!

So about 3 weeks ago the mailboxes in the apartment complex got broken into and a bunch of mail, I think cheques were stolen. Or something to that extent.

Now, we went and picked up some of our mail a couple of days ago, and we were told by the lady at Customer Service at the Depot that we could call this phone number so we can have our mail redirected to such a post office near our house.

Since having it at this post office would be easier for us to pick up. Since oddly enough getting across Edmonton east to west and back again is surprisingly difficult. Also this depot is only open from 10 until 2 during the week. Now for those that work, presently not me, it is sort of hard to get the time to pick up the mail at such a time.

I have now gone through 5 different numbers until I finally just call the depot and talk to the super and he is presently tracking down our mail and will call me back. I have several items that are in transit and I hope to get them sometime before summer comes.

I also found out that it will take a month or more for the mailroom to be fixed. Tell me, how hard is it to order a one piece metal door with a welded in lock? Or hell, considering what we pay in rent, why can't they install some security cameras or better locks on the main doors? We've lived here less than a year and I do not have enough fingers to count how many times the locks were broken. Typically, I thought, once the lock is busted, shouldn't it be replaced with something better? Or would the cost of new door keys be too much?

This is labelled as a crime free building, well peaches, we've been broken into.
----------

Well the super called me back, and our mail is now re-directed to nearby. Woo. And apparently high security doors, frames and locks are on order and will take a couple of weeks to get here.

My question is, why weren't these installed in the first place? But whatever, atleast I can go up every couple of days to get our mail now.

----------

Now onto to major problem, I need to get my prescriptions refilled soon but I cannot afford this. I also do not want to ask my spouse for the money to get them, but I might have too. You know, if I wanted to stay unemployed 90% of the time I would've just saved the money and stayed in New Brunswick. This is really frustrating, so right now my two options are either ask her or go without them. But we all know that option 2 is not really an option at all. I applied for EI earlier today.... I could've stayed in New Brunswick for that too.

Something has to give soon. I do have a skype interview tomorrow for a 6 month contract via another placement agency for a property manager assistant. Which is awesome, because I have been thinking about going back to that schtick since I did it back east for over 7 years. I know it, I am more than capable and one can make a fair amount of money doing it.

Edmonton: I'm beginning to Hate you.

We've been here for nearly two years after moving from New Brunswick. And we keep getting questions as to why we moved here. My stock answers are normally:

"Well I was bored"

"Seemed like a good idea"

"Well, we finished all the work back east so I thought we'd come out here to help you out."

There is no work back east, why else would we move here numbnuts?

I have largely been unemployeed for nearly 3 months. I am bored, broke, depressed and angry now. I have been more than patient with my staffing agency, only to be constantly told that "Something is coming", yeah well, so is christmas.

State Sponsored Hate

This is beyond savage. This is simply in-human state sponsored homophobia. Complete with the newly passed anti-gay law in Uganda. I just… I just…. There are no words for me to use to even begin to describe this. They call gays mentally ill, what about “people” hunting human beings just for sport. I am pretty sure their actions qualify them as sociopaths.

Attacking, hurting, maiming someone just because of who they love? Cowards. Bigots. Murderers.

Demonize gays because you cannot run vital aspects of your country correctly? Take the focus off of the failing economy? Cowards.

Kudos to those Russians who see how wrong this is and try to help. You are heros.

One could even make an argument that this is the first few steps before an active genocide. In world war two, 25 million Russians laid down their lives in order to stop Hitler. Now they’re taking steps that would make him proud.

Hunted - The truth of Gay Bashing in Russia

SMART Goal Setting

I have kickboxed/boxed for nearly all my life. I was also certified as a personal trainer. And I know that sometimes goal setting is tough in all facets of life.

Here we go:

SMART.

S - Specific
M - Measurable
A - Action Oriented
R - Realistic
T - Timed

Specific:Goals should be as specific as possible so that you can picture exactly where you need to be heading. Skills in questioning are really needed to set specific goals. If your current goal is to "Get in shape" or "feel better:, ask yourself how you want to feel or what you want to change. Once you ask questions like this you'll have a better idea of what you want.

Measurable:
This is a great way to get feedback on your goals. Say you want to lose weight and have more energy, well once you decide how much weight you want to lose that is a specific goal. However increasing your energy is a little tougher goal to set, but not impossible. For example, ask yourself where your energy is now on a scale of 1 to 10. With 1 being a slug and 10 being Superman or Superwoman.

Action Oriented:
When you are setting a goal, you should associate a specific action with it. If you want to lose 10 lbs then you should set a plan to meet with a trainer or your workout buddy 3 times a week and at least once by yourself to workout for 30 minutes to an hour.

Realistic:
In my opinion this is the most important part of the goal setting process. It has to be realistic for you and you alone. If it is not realistic you will not be able to accomplish it and thus become very uninterested in your fitness journey. And please don't do any of these "I want to lose 30 lbs in 30 days and I'm 160 lbs now". That is just far to much body mass for you to lose in that short amount of time.

Timed:
This part is easy, this is how much time you will dedicate to this goal.
You can also use this entire SMART method to set a short term and a long term goal.

More on Motivation

I know I posted yesterday about my lack of motivation as of late. It is probably related to the increase in my medication my doctor told me to do before Christmas. I had an increase of 50% on both Prozac and Lamictal. It has sort of knocked me on my ass, the general apathy is just a bit much. Although that could be due to it being winter and the lack of daylight hours here. The sun does not rise until around 9 am and it sets before 5 pm. We do have one of those natural light thingies and we do have it on after the sun sets, it is sort of helping to get me back into a more regular sleep/wake cycle.

I see my doctor again on the 23rd of this month so we will see how it goes.

New Age Bullying

There has been a epidemic of suicides by teens and pre-teens who were pushed to it by classmates, and general creeps in Canada. The most infamous case is of a 17 yr old girl named Rehteah Parsons in Dartmouth Nova Scotia in April of 2013.

This girl went to a party when she was 15 (2011) where there was excessive drinking and four teenaged boys forced themselves on her. They raped her. They even took pictures and videos on their phones and they used these photos to harass this girl. They sent these images out to everyone they could think of which resulted in the distribution of them growing exponentially. She ended up with countless texts and facebook messages either calling her a slut or asking for sex.

Police investigated it and said there was not enough evidence to press charges since it was a "he said, she said" incident.

Ok, now let me get this straight; a 15 year old girl was raped multiple times by four teen boys while others recorded and photographed it? And there is not enough evidence to charge anyone? What about manufacturing and distributing child pornography? She was 15 which is under the age of consent and they took media of it, regardless of if there is not enough evidence of sexual assault, these little bastards are guilty in my opinion of child exploitation.

There are countless other stories of kids and teens killing themselves because of "bullying". I'm 26 and when I was in elementary school I was bullied by a couple of boys because I had a speech impediment (I have since out grown it.) This went on for years, until one day in sixth grade I had had enough, turned around and punched the guy out. I was not bullied again. That was bullying.

What these little sociopaths are doing is not bullying, it is as close to criminal harassment as you can come. You push someone to killing themselves, at least when I was a kid, there was utter hell to pay. People looked for answers, cops came and the entire population of the school got hell bent on finding the culprit.

Now? It is a constant turning a blind eye to it until it is far too late. Then it is a slap on the wrist, if the perpetrator gets any sort of punishment at all. Or parents say that it wasn't their kid or their kid is an "angel", sorry to say it but your kid is a sociopath.

I used to work in corrections and I had to deal with young offenders on a daily basis. Dealing with them was the single worst aspect of my job. And that is saying something because I also had to interact with adult offenders who were in a severely altered state of mind (drunk or high) or infected with god knows what. In one instance, I had a woman grab the front of my uniform when I was handing her food, she pulled me into the bars and smashing my face into the bars. This knocked out one of my teeth and broke my cheek bone, I had to have surgery to fix it.

Young offenders are worse, they are vicious. The females more than the boys. These little sociopaths could murder someone and be kept in custody until they are 18 or 21 and get released with a clean record. I saw the list of charges for all of the ones I dealt with, it ranged from theft to break and enter, through to physical and sexual assault and murder. When the parents came in, they acted like it was MY fault their little "angel" was in detention. I'm sorry, but your little "angel" is a violent criminal punk that you are guilty of not disciplining at home for far too long until I have to deal with them.

I know this post is making me sound old or old fashioned, but if I had ever gotten arrested when I was young, I would have done anything to stay in police custody rather than dealing with my Mother or Grandmother.  I would have had hell to pay from both of them for doing it.

Of Employment and Interviews.

So earlier I had an interview for an office coordinator job that was setup through Randstad. Permanent type of deal, pretty sweet salary and not that far from my home. Sounds great right?

Except for one thing.... the place of employment is a funeral home. Sure, although the work is very fast paced which I can handle, I really doubt that I am qualified for it nor do I think I have the sort of personality they need.

They need someone who is very low key and can project an air of quiet empathy. While I can be very empathetic when the need arises, I am just too much of a loud mouth. I come from a big loud hectic family, where I am actually considered to be the quiet one. Which if you have met me in person, depending on where my bipolar cycle is, I can be very big and grandiose or quiet and reserved bordering on shy. Probably the best way to describe what I am generally like is this personality profile that I got from some quiz a while back.

With the number of interviews I have gone through, I could probably start an interview "tutoring" service.

Anyway, I also have an interview tomorrow for another placement. This time for another non-profit, heart and stroke federation, for the role of Volunteer Coordinator. This sounds like fun, since I have done something similar when I worked elections for the two levels of the Liberal Party. Then I think on Friday I will have another interview for a gig with the Government of Alberta in the department of education as an application appraiser for teachers. Or something akin to that, I am not 100% certain on what that role entails, but the person I would be working with sounds like I could really get along with and enjoy going to work. So hey, let's see what happens. 

Motivation.... or lack there of.

I have just had zero motivation to do anything the last three weeks. It is almost like I can't be bothered to care about much. My Christmas was fine, my fiancee got me a sweet God Father print type of deal. It's one of those rigid type of print deals. It is awesome, the God Father, in my opinion, is a cinematic masterpiece. Totally my favorite movie.

Anyway, I finished my placement with Randstad on December 20 and I have been off since. I did have an interview for another placement that was tailor made for me. Non-profit, full time, ongoing and doing multiple different things at a fast pace. A $7/hr pay raise from what I was making at the last placement.

Got the call about it yesterday, she was going to offer the job to me. She loved my technical abilities and my personality. Job was mine; until someone internal got it. I was right there, I had it, I was in the doorway and the door smacked me. That was disappointing, but it is the nature of the business. Still though, I had it. It was mine. Story of my life lately, but hey have to move on.

Back to the point of this post, the longer that I am on "vacation" I tend to get more and more depressed. I've started sleeping up to 12 hours a night. I know there are multiple things that I should be doing, like exercising but I just have zero drive or interest in doing that. Trying to be social has gotten to be exhausting, but hiding in the apartment all day for multiple days on end isn't good either.

I might start scheduling posts leached from my fitness blog that I do not write in anymore. Just the posts that relate a little bit.