Shoulder Update

So, I had an MRI done on my right shoulder to get a final and definite picture of the problem. And it turns out there are no tears anywhere. YAY! So no surgery for me. However, the muscle/tendon is frayed or whatever and there is some sort of calcium deposit that either rubs or presses up against something else.

Nothing that can really be done about it. However, there is one treatment which is my best/only option at this time. And I guess it is very similar to whatever is used to break up kidney stones. They think the reason this works is due to it theoretically creating more blood vessels and thereby allowing healing to happen.

This is where it gets really funny. It costs around $260/treatment and I need three treatments, so the total cost would be around $800. And of course, Alberta Blue Cross does not cover it. I'm shocked....not.

Seriously, Alberta Blue Cross is expensive and so god damn useless. I'm so happy that I get new insurance the end of October when my probation at work is up.

Shoulder Injury

So, I have been dealing with a shoulder injury for the last number of years. I've gone to countless doctors who have told me to take advil/aleve, rest it, ice it, physio and whatever else.




Well, now I'm 28, not old I know, and I have a torn rotator cuff.



My Supraspinatus Tendon (or muscle or whatever it is) has a thickness tear and a width tear of greater than 50% with a retraction of up to 8mm. I've been talking to some friends and well, they all think I am going to end up needing surgery.

Wooooo.

I'll find out for sure on the 27th when I see the specialist.

What is courage

I posted this to my facebook:





I have been seeing more posts showing up about how Caitlyn Jenner is a freak or how she is not courageous. Sorry to break it to you, but courage comes in so many different forms. I want people to imagine being in a body that doesn't match your mind or soul and you finally get the courage to make that change to make the outside match the inside. Now, imagine that while being a very well known person who is known for doing something while in the wrong body. You make that change and then the public rips at you calling you "a freak" or "disgusting" but you ignore them and you make the stand for the younger generation to not have to face the same bullshit bigotry that you are facing.


How is that not courage? Tell me. Not having much concern for yourself but caring for those how are abused and battered for the same reason that you are. Hmmm, sounds similar to a battlefield doesn't it? Courage comes in different forms. My definition of it could be completely different than yours.


I've been told that because I keep moving forward and dealing with my Bipolar 1 Disorder that I'm courageous. Do I see it that way? Nope. Ask me when depression has me flat on my back contemplating why I should continue existence. OR, when I'm in a manic phase and I can do no wrong.


So frankly, if you are one of those people who are being bigots and saying so and so isn't courageous because of X, I ask that you politely go screw yourself and unfriend me. So, fuck you and have a nice day.

I think I forgot to mention this

I don't know if I ever said something about this, but for pretty much the entire year I have been fighting with this really weird skin rash on my arms, hands, shoulders and a couple of spots on my legs (around my knees). This damn stuff got so bad that I went to a Doc and thought it was some regular contact dermatitis. Well the steroid he gave me helped for a couple of days until the fucking rash came back with a vengeance. Ok, I decided to finish out a tube of the prescription and see how it went. That was on my birthday. A couple of weeks later I went to the damn ER because this stuff was so painful and raw that the slightest breeze made it worse. That Doc sent me to a Dermatologist, who then told me that it is a fungus..... Tinea. Which is in the same family as athlete's foot and ringworm.  Anyway, did everything he told me to do and took every prescription he gave me, and the stuff went away for the summer. YAY!

Then, during my last contract (the liar one) the god damn rash comes back so I go and sterilize every inch of my apartment. Didn't help, ended up back at the Derm, who gave me another ointment/steroid with the plan of making the "tinea explode". Oh I should mention that he brought a couple of little med students in to see it and to show that ring worm is not always small little circles. Great, now I'm a learning aide. They also do a biopsy to see if the damn fungus is in my pores.

I do a follow up appointment two weeks later to see the results. Well, the rash is still the same, no reaction to the new lotion. I think it made me itchier.

Get the Biopsy results and I have Erythema annulare centrifugum. Something that occurs in 1 in 100,000 people. My derm has now only seen it twice in his 30 yr practice. He took pictures, and he has to do some homework. Great, I'm still a learning aide. Watch me turn up in some text book.

Fuck.

Writing

I've been thinking about writing a of sort of memoir about my life. I have no idea how, when or where to start it. I sometimes sit here while watching something and I get an idea for it.... then I just can't put it through that damn little blinking cursor. Do I plan on submitting it to any publisher? I doubt it. Will anyone else ever read it? Probably not.

Anyway, other than my year of hilarious job issues (being fired, removed or early end to contract and the fact that my god damn insurance fired me as well). Things haven't been all that bad, money is tight though.

I did have a phone interview with Outland Camp on Friday, and I actually do feel that this one went well. I know, I say that every time, but this one I decided to "cheat" at, I had googled some interview tips and how to answer some of those obnoxious questions like "tell me about yourself" and alike. It would be a 20 day out and 10 day in, and not paying as much as I would like and I might end up working through xmas and new years. But, if it's a pay cheque I'll take it. I think they interviewed me for three different roles, General Helper, Housekeeping and admin, all of which I can do no problem. Hell, I'll rotate between all three if they wanted. I'd actually prefer that honestly. So we shall see.

Oh yeah, for some odd reason, I've gotten into listening to the Backstreet Boys. They have this amazing song called "Show'em what you're made of"

Amazing song, really hits home for me for the bullshit I've had to deal with as of late. So have a listen:

Unemployed yet again and again

This is just not funny anymore. I had a posting with ******* a few weeks ago, all was going great. I was fitting in, everyone was really nice. This place started a few days before Thanksgiving and lasting until the end of November.

Then, the day after Thanksgiving at the end of the work day.  I mean literally at the end of the day, I get a call from my staffing manager saying that the client had asked to no longer be invoiced for me (aka removal). This was at about 4:20pm, I was actually going through closing the building for 4:30. It happened so fast that not even my staffing manager knew what was going on or what happened.

The next day, I call him hoping he had found out why it all happened.

There were two reasons given:

Attendance issues (aka late)

and falling asleep at my desk.

Yeah, no word of a lie.

Ok, now let's address this "attendance issue"; I live a 5 minute drive from the location. My start time was 8:30am, I live my apartment at 8:05. I catch the bus at 8:10ish and I got to the location at 8:20 at the latest. I am not kidding, I actually timed this during the morning rush hour.

Sleeping at my desk. Can someone explain how one could fall asleep at the most visible and busy desk in the office. Every single person that comes in and out of that building would have to go past me twice. I have to sign for packages and answer the phones. I would have multiple people swinging around me all day.

They flat out lied.

I understand getting rid of me for a lack of work or funds, cool I get that. But lying? You cost me my ability to pay rent because you lied!

Just fuck you.

My Audience!

I just checked my stats and I have a very diverse audience. So I would like to thank everyone from Canada, United States, France, The UK, Germany, Brazil, India, Australia, Pakistan and Romania among others.

Not sure if you all are bipolar or know someone who is. But, just letting you know that if you have either, I know how it feels. Those without just cannot get it even though they try like hell, they just cannot understand what it is like in our heads.

Hope I might be helping at least a tiny bit.

-A