Why is it that when people find out that you have a mental disorder but you are taking medication as ordered and doing everything you can to control it or management they suddenly start treating you like you are more dangerous now than before you got proper treatment and care?
I am pretty open about the fact that I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 in June of this year. Yeah, I was in denial for a little while and had the “poor me” phase and all that. I am not ashamed that I have Bipolar Disorder, it does not mean that I’m “crazy”. What it means is that I have a physical and/or chemical defect or imbalance that depending on the trigger or whatever I have the possibility of going very manic to the point that I think very delusional things (such as god speaks through me, but not that I am god). Yes, if I am stressed out I do hallucinate. No when I hallucinate I just see odd colors, shapes out of the corners of my field of vision. Sometimes, I have seen what I thought was a cat or whatever.
Yes, I am taking three different medications(20mg Prozac, 200mg Lamictal, 300mg Wellbutrin) to manage the Bipolar and my adjoining issues with it (OCD). Yup, I’ve had some unimpressive side effects (Prozac tends to make you unable to orgasm…. you can get turned on and to the brink of but not over said brink. It is very frustrating.) But over all I am feeling pretty good.
I have had multiple “Friends” cut me out of their lives because I’m dealing with my mental disorder. While I have to respect their moronic decision, yeah I get it. Because I am getting my life and crazy under control they can really no longer see me as the “rescue case” that needs their help so they can feel good. I can save myself thanks, though I do need a push sometimes…..
I spent a large portion of my life self medicating with alcohol and various street drugs. My mother actually bought me the alcohol when I was 13. I drank nearly nightly up until I was about 23-24. I’m 26 now, and stone cold sober! And because I am sober, I can see now how big of absolute fucking assholes my “friends” are. Nat you’re right, I do deserve better than fairweather friends. The ones that cut me have made their decision and I am going to have to learn how to accept it, even though it’s a stupid ass decision. They lost out on something awesome, so fuck them.
I have been through hell and back only to go through hell once again. I have been beaten down, abused, used and left for dead. And guess what….. I am still standing bitches. I want to see them go through what I have been subjected to and see how they turn out when their safety net gave way and they have to go it alone.
Someone very wise once said “It’s only after we have been pulled back from hell, is when we find Heaven.”
I was once told that I “used to be a force of nature”, well guess what:
A Storm is Coming.
Amanda, I have been diagnosed Bipolar 1 since 1994 and manic depressive before that from the time I was 11 when I tried suicide as a revenge tactic. I have been through so many friends that I have found that keeping the information about my disorder a semi tightly held secret helps to keep friends from getting too involved or turned off by the misconceptions they may have. Do your own thing and let people be people without influencing their behavior with your disorder. Best advice I can give. Also watch out for Lamictal, it ruined my immune system.
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